Cohabitation can seem
like one big dream of morning sex. In reality, moving in with your man
is an adjustment – from furniture choices, closet space, and money
stuff.
1. The Problem: Feeling Claustrophobic
You get in a fight and want some space – but that space doesn’t exist anymore…
The Solution:
"If you're someone who really needs time alone after an argument, work
out a system where you can sort of leave each other alone for a while,"
says a relationship expert. "The ultimate goal is to feel just as at
home when you're pissed off together in the apartment as when you're
having a great night."
2. The Problem: “What’s Next?"
After
making a major decision to move in together, you then get the
inevitable family question of, 'Well where do you see this going –
marriage, babies, the works. Nothing says 'stress' more than making one
huge life decision and immediately being asked what your next big
decision will be.
The Solution:
Don't succumb to the pressure. Do your best to let comments from family
and friends roll off your back, and concentrate on enjoying the
present. Moving in together is a big deal! Let yourself sort of ease
into that for a while, and discuss 'next steps' when you're both ready.
3. The Problem: "What About My Life?"
You
realize you're giving up your past single life, and you start to feel a
bit different. How do you keep your personal independence in terms of
friends, coworkers, 'me' time?
The Solution:
Just as you used to make it a priority to carve out time for your
boyfriend when you lived apart, now it's time to carve out time for your
friends and – perhaps just as importantly – for yourself. Moving in
means sharing a home and a bed – it doesn't mean giving up your life.
4. The Problem: New Roommate Syndrome
We
know I’m messy and he’s neat…however, there is always a fear like when
you first get to college or when you sublet an apartment: What happens
if something goes really wrong?
The Solution:
Supposed you could break up over house-related issues. But you probably
won't. Have you ever heard someone say, ‘We were completely perfect for
each other except he was too much of a neat freak, so it didn't work
out?’ Talk it out and settle on some compromises for your issues.
5. The Problem: Differing Taste in Decor
He
said, 'it’s entirely up to you – whatever you want.' So I could
decorate everything in pink and call it a day, but the rational side of
me knows that the space had to be to his liking or he’d never feel at
home.
The Solution:
A great way to start figuring out your combined taste is to jump online
and flip through a few design sites." Let your boyfriend show you a few
designs that he likes so you can gauge his comfort level. From there,
you can decide what elements of his picks you like and incorporate your
own likes.
6. The Problem: The Furniture Fight
My boyfriend has been living in his apartment for 12 years, and I personally have a ton of furniture. How do you combine them?
The Solution: Reupholstering is a sneaky way of letting him keep his beloved chair, but giving it a fresh look that you can live with.
7. The Problem: Balancing Budgets
If
one person makes more money than the other, and you intend on splitting
rent, you have to have a whole conversation about who will be paying
for what. That can get pretty awkward because if you’re like me, you
have that theory that everything should be split equally in order to
preserve the balance.
The Solution:
Take a percentage of each person's monthly income and divide it up into
categories. For example, decide that 30 percent of your salaries is a
reasonable amount to put towards rent and 10 percent towards utilities,
and so on. This creates a comfort level for both parties because the
person who makes more might contribute a larger amount but it's the same
percentage of their monthly income as their partners.
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